Weekend Wash-Up

Am tired, and therefore paragraphs of increasing randomness will have to suffice...

* Poor Miss M trying to play AFL in a howling gale on Saturday morning. Nasty coach wouldn't let her wear her nice purple beanie on the field. She tried to explain it's rather hard to mark a ball when you've got your hands covering your ears, but he would hear nothing of it. Maybe he thought the purple clashed with the black/yellow Tigers kit??? It's also hard to kick goals when the goal-posts keep falling over in the cyclonic wind conditions... and the goal-post padding keeps blowing about the field.

And it's hard to drink tea when the wind keeps blowing it into your face.

* I succumbed to the Target Jeans Phenomenon last week... I got some safe mid-rise wide-leg jeans and some stretch straight leg jeans. Now I have not bought a pair of stretch jeans in what seems like a lifetime (well probably IS a lifetime - Miss M's) so was a leeetle apprehensive...

Good Thing: I am still in Size 12 (and with a belt too - woo!)

Bad Thing: I have a shocking case of Emo Crotch Droop and am constantly hoicking em up.

Does wonders for the self-esteem but...

* Went to MrB's School Production on Saturday night.
It was ... interesting. An original production, written by one of the teachers, about Shakespeare and his continued relevance to Teens Today. Some of the performances were amazing - some were typical High School dramatics. All of the stage crew/ choreographers/ tech crew were students, and I was really impressed with their professionalism.
It just went for 3 bloody hours and I had Miss H sitting on my knee and she fell asleep halfway through the second half. Which was painful. And frustrating, as she'd managed to keep her tight grip on her bag of Raspberry Twisters making it impossible for me to snaffle some without disturbing her/other audience members...
And afterwards... MrB was on Pack-Down duty so I stayed to help (my dad came and picked the girls up) ARGH! 'Performers' and their luvviness - painful no matter what age they are! All standing about in narrow passageways hugging each other while I'm trying to carry a stack of chairs. NOT HAPPY. And apparently 'performers' are unable to pick up chairs/ tables/ coat hangers/ pieces of gaff tape as these are menial tasks meant for mere plebs. We got out of there at 1am, home by 2am (after stopping to pick up sleeping girls)

* Quiet day yesterday - watched North By Northwest. Picked the Hitchcock cameo.

My Goodness Cary Grant wore his pants high!

Friday Night and the lights are low*

It's raining.


It's pouring.


The babes are (thankfully) snoring.**


Am stressed about
a) the rabbits
b) the creek washing away our entire yard
c) how I'm going to get the gazillion loads of laundry that our household generates weekly actually dried this weekend, what with NOTHING being tumble-driable anymore. Except towels. And skorts.

Also, am bewildered by the fact that I'm not as hatey and unpleasant as I thought I was, as demonstrated by the fact that so far I've only managed to come up with 6 things that I hate about other people. Will now retire to bed to meditate on my inner misanthrope.


* This post (and footnotes) dedicated to the meme-licious GW.

** Like for real, legit. The wall's vibratating.

The Joy of Lunch

OH MY GOSH!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!



(Overlook the insane prudery that that phrase demonstrates. I'm quite happy to OMG, but I needed the extra emphasis. Believe me)

THE THAI PLACE OVER THE ROAD HAS FINALLY OPENED FOR LUNCH!!!!!!!!!

I don't think I can adequately convey what feelings of joy this has elicited in me...


When the place was being refitted before Christmas, the signage on the window said that it would be open for lunch, but when it finally opened in February or whenever it was, the little 'Lunch Opening Times' label on the door had been covered over with a piece of grey gaffa tape.

Oh how that tape taunted me...

You see, Jannali has 2 chicken shops, 2 fish and chip shops, 1 dodgy Indian and 2 equally dodgy cafes (which is why I buy my coffee in Sutherland)... which means that lunching possibilities are sadly limited.


BUT NOT ANYMORE!!!!

Because I patronised 'Smileys Thai - Enjoy the Cooking of Happiness' today, and indeed, the Happiness is warm and delicious in my tummy. And therefore I am sharing the joy, the 'Happiness' with all, ahh the benevolence... Pad Thai and Yellow Curry does this to me.


However, in other, mood-crushing news, I have discovered that 'Rich Tea' biscuits, while being plain bar the occasional burst of curranty goodness and therefore ideal for munching with tea, leave a nasty chemical taste in my mouth. I blame Arnotts. It's what I do.

Monday Blahness

Sorry - Intense headaches preventing me from posting actual post-length stuff. Or, you know, focusing properly... Or, indeed, balancing.
Am going to the doctor's* this afternoon, so hopefully I'll get Answers. But I highly doubt it.

UPDATED: I went to the GP. I have a viral infection causing inflammation in my head. Hence the insane headaches and dizzy wobbliness.
So, not just in my head, and all in my head, all at the same time! Haha!

*****

Mothers Day: I woke up to the sound of MrB telling one of the twins to shush and let Mummy sleep - which is the most perfect sound in the world! Then there was lots of activity and little feet running around and much more shushing, so I got up - and was told by Miss M to go straight back to bed. So I did - with the GoodWeekend.
Then there was more running, and more shushing until all four girls made a dramatic entrance into my room, followed by MrB bearing a tray. I was presented with breakfast in bed (bacon, eggs and tomatoes) and lovely flat white and a balti bowl in which frangipani flowers were floating... The girls all sat on the bed and sang 'Happy Mothers Day' to me (except the twins who sang Happy Birthday, but it's the thought that counts) and I may have shed a tear or two...
M & H had made me a bead necklace, and I wore it all day! Even out to lunch at a swish restaurant!
It was a pretty damn good day. Except for the headaches of course...

*****

Usually I adore Eurovision. Adore it unconditionally.

This year, despite the amazing Finnish production and funky Finnish postcards in between acts, I was left underwhelmed.
I'll blame the headaches again I think. Because for me not to love Eurovision is a thought too horrible to contemplate.
I think even Terry Wogan was off - he was less about snark, and more about old man bitterness. Usually he adds to the joy, this year he detracted from it. The preliminary final on Sat night was so much better - with much gentler (and funnier) snark from Paddy and Sarah.

Also - in a frightening development - I woke up this morning singing Belarus's entry.

*****

Urgh Argh.
etc.

Sorry for the utterly shitful post.

* Does this apostrophe belong here. I am utterly confused. I blame the virus. The misspelling vyrus...

The One with the cars

When you play the 'When we win Lotto...' game, which car do you wish you could buy????

MrB always chooses an Audi A4. He is love with German engineering...


And speed. But that kinda goes without saying...

Me, after the obligatory 'People Mover', (probably a new VW Transporter TDI), I'd be quite happy with one of these:



A Ford Cortina Mk 2. My dream car.
My family had Cortina's in the UK, and here. I wrote one off on my very first driving lesson, and pranged another a few years later (what? The wheels went wobbly as I went around a corner...)
But still, I love 'em. Built like a tank, but a gorgeous drive.

I miss my Cortina...

MrB has one of these:


lurking in the garage. So why can't I have a Cortina? Hmmm? It's only fair!

Google is my friend...

Ha!

Some poor person in Wahroonga, obviously newly returned from The Archies, and feeling righteously indignant, googled the words

wynne sulman too rude

and ended up at C&C.

[Beacsue I concur. Absolutely. Wynne Sulman is very very rude indeed and should be spanked immediately!]

And then spent a fair number of precious minutes and bandwidth perusing the pages of utter tripe what I write.

Prudes of Sydney Unite!!!!!


Sure beats the constant referrals for 'Lisa Oldfield' that I've been getting recently...

Peoples is Gross

The feral somebody is back again...

This time they've been illicitly eating choccie eggs in the toilet... And leaving the tell-tale foil wrappers screwed up behind the door.

Oh For Goodness Sake Peoples!

The toilet is not somewhere you go for your special 'alone' time. I get that sometimes men need to sit and think on things... you know, ponder the state of the world. And read the free local paper while they're at it. But seriously? Adding a bit of chocolate to the situation is taking it a step too far.

BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL DOING IT IN THE LADIES TOILET! NOT THE MEN'S TOILET. If it was in the mens, then I wouldn't have to see the evidence, and my soul needn't be troubled by such profligate flouting of the Rules of Hygiene.

Harumph.





This post brought to you by the Actonb Campaign for Public Health and Grossness Reduction.

D'ya think I'm dumb or somethin?

Last night I ironed...

The pile of ironing had been lurking malevolently and growing ever bigger for over a month... It was starting to remind me of a (to quote the lovely Mexicola) Chineee Laundry - with shirts hanging up everywhere... (So much in fact, that when I had finished it all, the back wall of the rumpus room looked surprisingly bare - the shirts had become part of the decor...)

Only Gene Kelly could get me though it, and he did so magnificently while singing AND dancing in the rain...

Which was quite apt, and it was STILL raining outside. I do love the rain, but am starting to begrudge the fact that my water tank is full and I haven't got another one yet, so all that extra rain is going to waste! Profligate wastage!

Unfortunately Gene and Debbie only got me through the pile of shirts... I needed something to help me through the interminable pile of skirts and tops (which wouldn't have needed ironing if my slave (ie Miss M - it's her chore) hadn't decided to shove them in the 'ironing' pile, thereby making them extremely crumpled)...

MrB suggested 'The Tuxedo', being the one-eyed fan of Jackie Chan that he is (meaning that he doesn't just endure Chan's English language movies, but actively encourages them). It did the job. Just. But I must say that all the cringing I did may have had an effect on the ironing. It was Schitt-Hawse. But with a few funny bits, and a gorgeous JLH.

Yet again I need to remind myself to IRON AS I GO, and not stock-pile it in the vain hope that it will disappear (either that, or convince my MiL to do it).

The moral of this story is: I NEVER LEARN.

Oh! And. Does anyone else find the bizarre 'modern' dream sequence in SITR interminably boring and fast-forward-able? Or is that just the philistine in me?

Foreign Correspondent

This is a guest post, (ghost-posted by me, obvs) from Our Overseas Correspondent...



With regards to East Timorese Presidential candidates...

...check out this crazy cat. We reckon he's a dead ringer for Sammy Davis Jr. I mean, would you vote for this dude? Check out the cheezy grin and the dodgy sunnies. Lu'Olo for presisdente! Free cigars for all!
Only one of eight quality candidates brought to you by the people of Timor Leste.



Rock throwing support crew available at no extra cost!

********

Having said that, he's up against Ramos Horta, so really free cigars are going to have to be just the start of the pork-barreling if he's going to have any chance of being elected...







Oh Josie...

Is it just me, or does this photo make him just lok ever-so-slightly, well, Undead.

Maniacally Undead...



I'm guessing it was a slow news day in whereverheis...

What Ya Gonna Do?

Spewin'

I was 15 minutes too late to witness this:

A gang of gun-toting teens in a Volvo were allegedly carrying a shotgun, a samurai sword and a dagger while terrorising motorists on a freeway in Sydney's south, police say.

Frightened drivers on the F6 freeway called police after the trio of teenagers was seen pointing a sawn-off shotgun at other motorists in peak-hour traffic yesterday afternoon.
The blue Volvo sedan carrying the three males was stopped by police on Heathcote Road about 5pm.

Truly terrifying! (From the deeply sarcastic perspective of someone who wasn't threatened with a sawn-off shotgun during my daily commute)

And the sweetest irony being, not that they were Gangstas straight outta, um, St George, but that they were driving a Volvo.

A blue volvo no less...
And I suspect 'P' plates were being displayed correctly too...

Yo Chesty! Here's some Bad Boyz waiting for you...

The Post that Isn't...

Last night, while parking at Franklins, en route to do some Must Have shopping (ie Milk, Bread, Yoghurt - all the essentials) I espied a lone trolley languishing next to my car... I leapt out of my car, and proceeded to use this trolley as the receptacle for my Shopping Expedition. The reason for my excitement was that these trolleys are Ones That Need Money for their little trolley hearts to be Unchained...

So I Scored!!!!

One whole and entire Dollar (AUD)!!!!!

Question - Does this make...

a) Me the biggest scab in the Entire Known Universe????

or...

b) The person who left the trolley in the first place, the Laziest Lard Arse in the
EKU???? I mean, they couldn't be bothered taking the trolley a total of 10m to
get their coin back?????

Discuss...


BTW: The complete lameness of this post means it so DOES NOT COUNT as me breaking my blog break. Na-uh. No Way!
And... If you wanna know what's Going On, then email me.... Or, y'know, Don't... It's up to you really...

Oh! And another thing... Does anyone else have major problems with Blockquotes entirely Stuffing up???

Brain Fart

Thoughts for the day:

*L&O:SVU was dumb last night. Dumb dumb dumb. Even though I'm loving Olivia's hair.

*MNiE was disappointing, even with the Cyndi Lauper boombox montage.

*I still have a tiny bit of popcorn - that indigestible bit - stuck at the very back of my mouth and I cannot shift it. It makes me hate popcorn.

*Mick Kelty sounded sad and utterly exhausted on the radio this morning. I felt a slight twinge of sympathy for him, then remembered I don't like him at all. So I got over it.

*I'm confused about East Timor. I don't get it. And I really should. After all - my brother served as a peacekeeper there during the fight for Independence. My sister spent months over there as an AFP official after the riots last year. And I still DO NOT KNOW what is actually happening and what the 'Issues' are. And now the SAS are hunting some Brazilian footballer in the jungles. Weird.

*I got my hair cut on Wednesday, and am cranky. MrB has taken to referring to me as Helen, as I now have a fringe that is, well, bouncy and 'bang-y' in a Bad Way. Very Helen Hunt circa Mad about You. I, myself, have decided it looks way more soccer mom. Not Happy. Last time I take advice from a bunch of bloggers! Actually - I blame the hair dresser - she just made my hair look like hers. Stupid fringe.

Herald Scmerald

Imagined conversation at the SMH yesterday afternoon....

"Quick! There's been a plane crash in Indonesia..."

"Oh! That's no good, poor... Indonesians?"

"No! OMG! There's like Australians on board! And not only that, but there are journalists on board. And maybe even Downer!!!!!!"

"Holy crappola! Quick! Get the QRBT on the line..."

"Hello? Is that the QRBT? We need a banner stat!"

Sydney Morning Herald 7 March 2007 16:19

"Oh that's fantastic! Great! Thanks.... Now we'll just put in our link to the newsblog... 'How has your day been affected by this crash? Is there anything YOU know? How can this be blamed on Sydney's traffic crisis? Just how do you feel this has been influenced by Iemma? SMS us now!'

[Hmmm. That doesn't look quite right...]

"Ohshitohshitohshit... Quick! Get them back on the line!"

Sydney Morning Herald 7 March 2007 17:08

"Ahhhhh. That's better."

"D'ya think anyone noticed?????"

"Hardly! Our target readership is too busy hadn-wringing and weeping and putting the finishing touches to their hairshirts..."

"Sweet! Let's go grab a soy latte"

9 March 2007 - update: These screen grabs 'disappeared' from blogger today. I have no idea why. Let's see how long they last this time, now that they're properly acknowledged.

I say B1! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh gross!

Here at B Enterprises, we occupy an office in a building which consists of 4 offices upstairs, and 2 shops downstairs.

Upstairs, the 'shared kitchen' facilities consist of a sink (with cold tap) and a power point.

Downstairs are the toilets - 1 male and 1 female.

One of the shops has recently been re-leased, and I have started to notice strange things afoot...
(even stranger than the fact that the male podiatrist insists on only using the female toilet.... and then leaving the seat up...)

for instance - last Friday I noticed in quick succession,
1) the fact that we'd managed to go through an entire loo roll in a day
2) the fact that there was a definite aroma of banana in the room
3) the fact that all the paper towel had been used up, and was scrunched around the back of the bin...

It's the banana that's perplexing me the most. Who the hell sits on the loo and munches a banana? I mean, that's just feral...

It's the new shopkeepers. I knew they were odd. I just knew it.

Pahaha!

Okay, this tickled my fancy....

A terror attack is to be simulated in a Sussex town to look at the response from emergency teams and traders.
Police said the attack in Eastbourne's Arndale Centre - on Monday evening after people leave - would be realistic and use multi-media simulation.
The "attack" will be part of a national initiative exploring ways to prevent, handle and recover from an incident.

Insp Tony Wakefield said there was no current intelligence to suggest Eastbourne was a target.

Teeheehee, no Insp Wakefield, I very much doubt that there would be. As the terrorists wouldn't know that Eastbourne even exists... and I'm not sure that blowing up Wallace Arnold buses full of OAPs really would give them that much cred with Osama. Not even if they targeted various 'ladies who like to watch tennis' during the Ladies pre-Wimbledon tournament.

Oh Eastbourne, you have a special special place in my heart, but really?!

Bad Hair Day

OK, I'm over my long hair now.

It's been a year since I had it trimmed last, and now it's halfway down my back. And I'm bored with it, and all this 'embracing the length' is kinda boring and time-consuming now.

And I cannot get it to not frizz. Not that I've actually tried, y'know, blow-drying it or anything, because I have zero time for that type of primp-and-frippery. My only concession has been to invest in Tresemme's 'Anti-frizz' shampoo, and that's done nothing.

NOTHING I tells you.

And I'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night being strangled by my own hair.

Gurgle Gurgle Choke Choke. (& etc)

I'm seriously considering investing in a hairnet. Even if it would make me look like my 80 year-old grandmother. Because I'm sick of the Medium moments I'm having of late.

Speaking of which, I watched it last night, well bits of it, flicking between it and Without a Trace.

And I am rather in love with Patricia Arquette's hair. That cute little bob. So bouncy and flirty yet also professional and business-like. And she spends like NO time doing her hair, so it must be seriously low maintenance... It reminds me of the haircut I had in Year 12. From the front at least. It was kind of completely shaved at the back.

Anyway...

I like the idea of a bob again.

Or at least a fringe.

But then I'm worried I'd look like Lisa Oldfield, and this is a Bad Thing, obvs.

Oh anonymous friends of the internerds! What shall I dooooooo?????????

Off the top of my head.

Random things... My head hurts - am now thinking it's the cumulative effect of 10 days without aircon... Office has become toxic death-trap a la ABC in Brisbane(?)


Yes, I have been reading Bridget Jones in the bath again. Shouldn't do that, as am prone to start talking in staccato syntax-less sentences. With English slang. When I start counting calories, shoot me.


This morning, while sitting on the deck drinking our coffee (in sweet, sweet serenity), gazing over the trees, and beyond to the mist-wraithed escarpment, we heard a whip bird down in the creek. They always make me think that I'm in a deep valley in the mountains, having trekked for 5 hours to come to a peaceful glade surrounded by towering gums, with a gentle breeze rustling the leaves. I love whip birds.

Whipbird (from www.charliesbirdblog.com)

Last night I watched Cold Case. The mall-massacrists were cute. Much cuter than the jocks. If I was still in high school I would probably fall madly in love with one or, indeed, both of them. Does this make me a Bad Person?????


I want to go bush-walking again.


I need to eat more fruit.

Randomness to the extreme

* Tony Abbott is a pillock.

An ungracious, ungodly, smugly arrogant pillock.

From his article in yesterday's SMH:

"... With eight Catholics now in the Howard cabinet, he (Santamaria) was certainly wrong about that (that Catholics could advance in the Liberal Party). As well, before Peter Debnam, the five previous leaders of the NSW Liberal Party were Catholic. The Howard Government has overturned euthanasia laws, banned gay marriage, stopped the ACT heroin trial, encouraged independent schools, contracted Job Network services to church organisations, established pregnancy support counselling and improved the absolute and relative financial standing of families with children..."

Right - so he's proud of the fact that, based on their religious convictions, they have ridden roughshod over the decisions of a democratically elected Territorial Government. I'm anti euthanasia, based on my religious convictions. I'm anti-abortion too, but it's legal, so y'know, I deal. He doesn't. And that scares me.

And don't get me started on how shifting the responsibility for looking after the vulnerable in our society to churches is a good thing apparently. Fucknut.

And then there's this:

"At the swearing in of members of the present Parliament, no fewer than 30 of 60 Labor MHRs took an affirmation rather than an oath on the Bible (compared to one from the Coalition). Kevin Rudd has tried to buck the trend by describing himself as a "Christian socialist" but, so far, it's been a politically correct Christianity."

How dare he dismiss Rudd's personal faith, just because it doesn't gel with his hardline Catholicism! Rudd is a committed secularist, because that's the system of government that we have in this country! But his personal faith is a different thing altogether - and yet Abbott has the temerity to write it off as 'politically correct Christianity' - it's not - it's a solid example of evangelical Anglicanism. The arrogance of the man astounds me!

So, so cranky. And sad.


* I had a chest X-ray yesterday. But I don't have pleurasy. Or Pneumonia. Or TB.

My sister told me last night that it's all in my head. I'm starting to worry that she's right. Or it may just be payback from being held down as a child, while I forced her good hand onto the floor and proceeded to wave my other hand at her, yelling "I have two hands!", before tickling (or indeed, slapping her) into submission.

Yeah. That's it I reckon. Trying the old psychological warfare trick on me. Ha! It ain't going to work. I'm so dobbing on her.


* I've decided I have a new bloggy best friend (yeah sorry LaRue, but you know how it is, moving onwards and upwards...). I'm not Craig is everything I want in a BBF (Blog Best Friend) - he's Welsh (ish - I don't know the story) and he loves Chapel Hill Unwooded Chardonnay. Of course he doesn't know any of this, and I do feel like a little Kinder kid who's come home from school after her first day, and confidently told her mother that her best friend is the Year 6 kid who smiled in her general direction at little lunch.


* I can't stand West Side Story. I mean I like 'I feel witty etc', but the whole thing - does nothing for me. It may be the fact that I'm not a fan of Romeo and Juliet, but I'm pretty sure that it's my distrust of crouching, clicking 'hoodlums' dancing in formation. In black volleys and brylcreamed hair. Don't like Grease either.

But I adore Singin in the Rain. In fact, I may go indulge right now...

Good Morning, Good Moorrning. It's great to stay up late! Good Morning, Good Morning to you!