So... (An Update)

The last couple of days have been all very interesting... with even more introspection than is normal for a melancholic like me. I have even learned a thing or two...

The first of which is that, real or imaginary, my friends are very wise. The comments left in response to my initial post really gladdened me, they touched me, because they were so... personal. They weren't empty platitudes, but the words of true friends, people who know me... and that has brought an interesting perspective to my thinking on these things. And I'm going to quote them here, because not everyone reads the comments - especially when you're reading in bloglines or google reader - I know because I am a terrible culprit in that regard...

GW said:

Bumping into people you knew before always does that.

It isn't histrionics, it's just that it's almost impossible to block out the high expectations of yourself you had as a pre-pubescent aspirant world-changer.

And she hit the nail right on the head - it was about the fact that at 17 I was such an idealist, so anxious to forge a life that so different to my parents and to my contemporaries...

I.Sirius added:

dilute or distill?

I'm not the person I was but the person I am.

So are you for which I am thankful.

And that was kinda nice, seeing as he's the one who started all of this...

INC's attempt made me laugh:

I was going to leave a long and helpful comment but after the fourth draft it was still sounding pompous, so I deleted it. Instead, please accept accept this virtual long distance hug.

And then he followed it up with an SMS that made me cry...

And Mizanthrop made perfect sense when she pointed out:

I'm a little wary of sounding pompous too ... so please pardon me if I'm being presumptuous, but..You've had a lot to deal with recently, grief, extra work, christmas, car travel with children...good or bad they're all stressful.

Perhaps it's understandable if life leaves you feeling a little despondent right now?

And there were virtual hugs galore :)

*****

Sifting through the myriad yearnings, confusions and whatnots, it dawned on me that really, I didn't want to be a 17 year old again after all... that teenagers are intrinsically selfish - even the most altruistic, world-changing idealist is still only doing it for ultimately selfish reasons. That's the beauty and attraction of adolescents - they are pure and unadulterated them - most of them haven't been slapped about the face by Life yet - haven't had the fervent hope gently leached out of them by the passage of time and disappointments...

Life, when it boils down to it, is really all about relationships... And relationships, well, they're about compromise... And compromise? It's the enemy of selfishness.

So I guess, when you consider that Life, while gently diluting the essential Essence of You, has actually been making you a wiser, pleasanter person to be with and to be near, then Growing Up can't be a bad thing after all...

And after I put my finger on the fact fact that the one thing that 17 year old me would consider to be my biggest sell out was that I'm a Colarado-wearing soccer-mom - with an emphasis on the Colorado - then the scales fell from my eyes. Because friends, that is something I can do something about!