The Culture Wars
My eyebrows are engaged in an ideological war of Windschuttle proportions. My head is scary place to be at the best of times, but currently - woahh! 'tis not for the faint of heart...
A little backstory is probably necessary here: I was, up until 18 months ago, a plucker. My trusty tweezers were all I needed to keep my eyebrows in a semi-decent state. We were all happy with this, my eyebrows, my tweezers and I - we knew what was expected of each other and we all got along just fine.
And then my sister got married. My sister with her tinted and waxed eyebrows. And apparently my tweezers weren't good enough for her - oh no! I needed to submit my brows to the waxer's paddle-pop stick of Doom. Because my neatly trimmed brows were too Brooke Shields for my sister's taste.
So I submitted, I surrendered, I acquiesced against my better judgement...
Although I have to admit, my newly thinned and shaped brows were pretty damn sexy. It was like an Oprah make-over moment...
But as every woman will agree, once you've waxed, there's no going back. You make a deal at that there crossroads. You become the wax pot's bitch and don't you know it. You have to get your arse back onto that crinkly-paper-and-plastic-covered bed every three weeks or your start to look like you've been hit with the Marty Simpson Ugly Stick.
...back to the war correspondent...
My left eyebrow is a laid-back kinda brow. It's read the lay of the land and given up the ghost. Regrowth is sparse. It's showing it's displeasure by making the very edge of the brow grow in the opposite direction, but it's kinda a half-arsed temper tantrum.
My right eyebrow however seems to have taken my Year 11 2U English Topic Area theme of 'Overcoming Adversity' to heart. Not a week after being waxed, there are stragglers popping up everywhere in the general proximity of my neat and stylish arch. Argh!
So now I'm lopsided as well as being ungroomed. Typical righty wanker of an eyebrow, ruining it for everyone.
Harumph.
A little backstory is probably necessary here: I was, up until 18 months ago, a plucker. My trusty tweezers were all I needed to keep my eyebrows in a semi-decent state. We were all happy with this, my eyebrows, my tweezers and I - we knew what was expected of each other and we all got along just fine.
And then my sister got married. My sister with her tinted and waxed eyebrows. And apparently my tweezers weren't good enough for her - oh no! I needed to submit my brows to the waxer's paddle-pop stick of Doom. Because my neatly trimmed brows were too Brooke Shields for my sister's taste.
So I submitted, I surrendered, I acquiesced against my better judgement...
Although I have to admit, my newly thinned and shaped brows were pretty damn sexy. It was like an Oprah make-over moment...
But as every woman will agree, once you've waxed, there's no going back. You make a deal at that there crossroads. You become the wax pot's bitch and don't you know it. You have to get your arse back onto that crinkly-paper-and-plastic-covered bed every three weeks or your start to look like you've been hit with the Marty Simpson Ugly Stick.
...back to the war correspondent...
My left eyebrow is a laid-back kinda brow. It's read the lay of the land and given up the ghost. Regrowth is sparse. It's showing it's displeasure by making the very edge of the brow grow in the opposite direction, but it's kinda a half-arsed temper tantrum.
My right eyebrow however seems to have taken my Year 11 2U English Topic Area theme of 'Overcoming Adversity' to heart. Not a week after being waxed, there are stragglers popping up everywhere in the general proximity of my neat and stylish arch. Argh!
So now I'm lopsided as well as being ungroomed. Typical righty wanker of an eyebrow, ruining it for everyone.
Harumph.
posted by actonb at 3:19 pm
4 Comments:
You wrote this post just for me, didn't you?
Stupid eyebrows! One of mine arches higher than the other, which is longer. Every single waxer I have been to asks me if I have been plucking in between to achieve this look. The fact I have been waxing since about 15 years of age and don't =own a pair of tweezers does not sway tehm - they think I am doing it just to piss them off.
I feel your pain AB. I started waxing about 1 year ago and now my eyebrows are like the hairy caterpillars of doom crawling on my face.
I thought that waxing was meant to make hairs finer and sparser?
GW - I was thinking of you, yes. And it's YOUR fault that eyebrows=GW in my subconscious now.
OMel - hee, even more recalcitrant eyebrows than my own.
KR - It's supposed to happen, but never does. Or at least, only happens to people who dont deserve for things to go right ALL THE TIME.
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