Heckling
So. Damn. Funny.
Usually the Heckler column in the SMH is pretty lame, but today it made me laugh out loud. For real. And maybe even a snort or too... (but there's nothing new there)
Teeheehee.
Usually the Heckler column in the SMH is pretty lame, but today it made me laugh out loud. For real. And maybe even a snort or too... (but there's nothing new there)
A crash course in economic rationalism for the kiddies
Doug Reckord July 12, 2007
INSPIRED by our PM and with a burning desire to be a fiscal conservative, I approached my children with a household version of an AWA. The offer? In exchange for a slight increase in pocket money they would sign away previous "childhood" award conditions including tooth fairy bonuses, Easter egg allowances, Christmas presents and all current birthday "fringe benefits". They were sceptical that this arrangement was going to be a winner for them but then I explained the regime of "user-pays" that I had devised for our shiny new economic rationalist household. From their slightly increased "pay packet" the kiddies will be expected to fork out for extras like DVDs, trips to the movies, sporting equipment, music lessons and non-essential food items. It's a radical change but I am confident that in a couple of years we will have eradicated household debt and be the proud owners of a healthy budget surplus.
My wife has been polling the family since the introduction of our domestic AWAs and she reports that my popularity is sliding. The latest poll reported that the vagrant who inhabits a nearby park has achieved a 62 per cent rating as "preferred father figure", a lead of 62 percentage points on me. But this isn't a popularity contest - it's about the bottom line!
In light of this disquiet, I did give my kids a pep talk on the need for them to be
competitive and explained that there were lots of children in developing economies like China who would be happy to accept new financial arrangements and still be affectionate towards their family leaders. This led to a vigorous discussion on whether it was possible to outsource parenting duties but I had to point out that owing to their limited "pay packets" they would be unable to afford such a luxury.
To show my sensitive side, I did introduce a "fairness test". Any new children in the household will have a guarantee that they will be no worse off under the arrangements. One of the kids pointed out that the test wasn't retrospective, so it wouldn't be of any use to them and we were hardly likely to have any additions to the family. The other child strenuously opposed the fairness test provision that financial inducements could now be substituted for more basic rewards, like food and clothing.
That reminds me that I need to have a chat to their teachers about focusing on the basics rather than teaching trendy "critical thinking skills".
And the surplus? Well I was thinking of renovating the dining room but the missus thinks that won't go down very well. Oh well, I'm sure I'll find something worthwhile to spend it on.
Teeheehee.
posted by actonb at 9:48 am
7 Comments:
That is extremely good.
I am filing it away under "things to plagiarise at a later date".
PS I am glad you are well at the moment.
Ooh! We were simultaneously cross-commenting - there must be a cosmic connection between us! Now I'm definitely going to ask you to be a Facebook friend.
hee hee.
Very funny - I do wonder how this kind of economic rationalism could be accepted by anyone with any brain. I wonder how a company owner would critque the article?
Funnily enough the 49% of the children who didn't choose to have that fellow as their father, have randomly asked thier siblings just who the hell DID vote him in, and you know what? There is not a child under that roof who will admit to it.
Worse still, the father has just warned the kids that if they do try and disown him, not only will their mother spend hundreds of dollars donating ot the local hospital, schools, and police, but there is a car load of Lebanese yoof out front in a red Nissan Tampa, and if they are allowed into the park to play with the other kids, pretty soon the park will be full of people who don't live on the street, and there will be no room on the swings and roundabouts for them...
Luckily, there is a park near the mosque in Lakembla, and Dad is going to send his bully boy brother out to direct them to it.
GW - Exactly!
KR - I know that the owner of the company I work for would agree with the article whole-heartedly!
Donnie - You know, sometimes you write comments that causes me to have the teensiest crush on you!
(But they're easy to get over, so don't get all puffed up about it!)
I just found out i still get leave loading...whilst i was thrilled at first, i kinda feel a bit peeved that they find me more valuable when i am not here.
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