Pity Party
I apologise in advance if the following post makes little sense... Or littler sense than usual. I'm all groggy with a cold, and have that disconcerting 'head is twice as big as usual' feeling. But I'll soldier on...
I've been thinking about friendship recently. The further into my thirties I travel, the less 'Real Friends' I seem to have. And yet conversely, due to the wonders of technology (ie the Blogosphere), I have many more 'imaginary friends' than I would have considered possible... These faceless friends, with their witty one-liners and heartfelt suggestions actually know more about the day-to-day crapness of my life than my oldest and dearest confidantes.
Of my friends who I am able to have and to hold, only two read this blog. This may be because they're the only two who have regular access to a computer, or maybe it's because they're the only ones I want reading this crap. Who knows? Hey Sarah! Hey RevJen! *waves madly*
When we were at school, there was always clear delineations of friendship... there were 'bosom buddies' within subgroups, within larger 'classes' of kids... For instance Cath & I were bestest friends from Year 7, and generally hung out with a subgroup of KindaNerdy girls, who would socialise with the larger Band/Music class. Yet, after high school, I maintained contact with only 3 of these girls, and they were members of the Band, not the close little subgroup I was part of.
The friends that I made at uni - a close-knit group of four - they're the stayers. I guess the difference between school and uni is that the first is a group of kids thrown together with only geography as the unifying factor. At uni you have the experience of sharing interests and passions and discovering yourself. Of our little group of friends, we each had friends outside, although even then there was a subgroup within that group, as Jude & I had been at school together, and went to church together. She is still, to this day, my best and closest friend. I adore her. And yet, it's Sarah - the only one of us not 'Married with Children' - that I share this blog with. She's the only one I can trust to read this and not immediately become concerned for my spiritual well-being! She's the only one to whom I can expose certain parts of my soul, simply because I know she gets it. I love her too.
Yet, with our busy busy lives, we have such little time for our friends, and even less time for acquaintances. It's sad.
Now finally, the reason for such navel-gazing and reminiscence, is that my beloved RevJen is leaving the Illawarra.
And I don't know what I'm going to do....
I just can't express what a great gaping hole her absence is going to leave in my life. I mean, it's not like she's being swept up to heaven on a cherub-borne cloud, she's only going to *gasp* the North Shore, but as far as I'm concerned she's crossing oceans...
I may be being just a tad melodramatic here.
But only she & I know just how much I depend on her - she knows all my dirty secrets, and still loves me. She keeps me grounded, and keeps me sane. And will only very occasionally put on her dog collar to make me accountable...
Her move is going to be so good for her, her career and her family, and I'm so conflicted because I want the wider world to recognise her utter brilliance, but I also want her to stay put. But for the selfishest reasons in the world. We love her and want her amazing mind and heart and sermons all to ourselves!
And I don't want the CleryWife's little mini-me (aka Baby A) to grow up without me. I love that all my girls, even though they see her every week, all squeal and run to throw themselves at her. Well all except Miss M, who's now so grown-up she'll just go 'huh. hey jen' and then wander off...
And if you knew just where she's going, you'd want to slap me for being a complete idiot. Seriously.
I just hope there'll be someone at her new church that is happy to call a spade a spade, and not indulge in that earnest passive aggression that is the hallmark of church politics. I need to know that someone will look after her, because He knows she needs it.
Pah! Sappy crappy girly stuff.
Jen - just don't pack my mother's flan tins because she's getting well pissed!
I've been thinking about friendship recently. The further into my thirties I travel, the less 'Real Friends' I seem to have. And yet conversely, due to the wonders of technology (ie the Blogosphere), I have many more 'imaginary friends' than I would have considered possible... These faceless friends, with their witty one-liners and heartfelt suggestions actually know more about the day-to-day crapness of my life than my oldest and dearest confidantes.
Of my friends who I am able to have and to hold, only two read this blog. This may be because they're the only two who have regular access to a computer, or maybe it's because they're the only ones I want reading this crap. Who knows? Hey Sarah! Hey RevJen! *waves madly*
When we were at school, there was always clear delineations of friendship... there were 'bosom buddies' within subgroups, within larger 'classes' of kids... For instance Cath & I were bestest friends from Year 7, and generally hung out with a subgroup of KindaNerdy girls, who would socialise with the larger Band/Music class. Yet, after high school, I maintained contact with only 3 of these girls, and they were members of the Band, not the close little subgroup I was part of.
The friends that I made at uni - a close-knit group of four - they're the stayers. I guess the difference between school and uni is that the first is a group of kids thrown together with only geography as the unifying factor. At uni you have the experience of sharing interests and passions and discovering yourself. Of our little group of friends, we each had friends outside, although even then there was a subgroup within that group, as Jude & I had been at school together, and went to church together. She is still, to this day, my best and closest friend. I adore her. And yet, it's Sarah - the only one of us not 'Married with Children' - that I share this blog with. She's the only one I can trust to read this and not immediately become concerned for my spiritual well-being! She's the only one to whom I can expose certain parts of my soul, simply because I know she gets it. I love her too.
Yet, with our busy busy lives, we have such little time for our friends, and even less time for acquaintances. It's sad.
Now finally, the reason for such navel-gazing and reminiscence, is that my beloved RevJen is leaving the Illawarra.
And I don't know what I'm going to do....
I just can't express what a great gaping hole her absence is going to leave in my life. I mean, it's not like she's being swept up to heaven on a cherub-borne cloud, she's only going to *gasp* the North Shore, but as far as I'm concerned she's crossing oceans...
I may be being just a tad melodramatic here.
But only she & I know just how much I depend on her - she knows all my dirty secrets, and still loves me. She keeps me grounded, and keeps me sane. And will only very occasionally put on her dog collar to make me accountable...
Her move is going to be so good for her, her career and her family, and I'm so conflicted because I want the wider world to recognise her utter brilliance, but I also want her to stay put. But for the selfishest reasons in the world. We love her and want her amazing mind and heart and sermons all to ourselves!
And I don't want the CleryWife's little mini-me (aka Baby A) to grow up without me. I love that all my girls, even though they see her every week, all squeal and run to throw themselves at her. Well all except Miss M, who's now so grown-up she'll just go 'huh. hey jen' and then wander off...
And if you knew just where she's going, you'd want to slap me for being a complete idiot. Seriously.
I just hope there'll be someone at her new church that is happy to call a spade a spade, and not indulge in that earnest passive aggression that is the hallmark of church politics. I need to know that someone will look after her, because He knows she needs it.
Pah! Sappy crappy girly stuff.
Jen - just don't pack my mother's flan tins because she's getting well pissed!
Labels: friends, Navel-gazing
posted by actonb at 10:26 am
4 Comments:
Awwww ... Tis sad.
At least you still have internerds. Always internerds ...
And I'm your friend. Even in real life.
That is very sad AB - I had a similar situation when a very old friend moved back to Brisbane from Melbourne recently. There definitely is a gap in my life where she used to be. However, I haven't lost her I just don't see her as much.
you lose Rev, i lose Dane. 'tis a sad day indeed.
LaRue - this is true. Thanks :)
KR - At least she's not moving state, when we have become so settled in our thirty-something ways, there are particular people-shaped bits of our life. And a RevJen-shaped bit, while quite short in stature is actually a massive part of my life. But we'll show her - her sister (who she's ALSO abandoning) and I shall cope... just to spite her you see...
mex - Is it that lovely Dane that I met? Oh no! Because Daneland is so much further than the North Shore... Stupid change.
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