tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-250923962024-03-08T08:22:29.596+11:00Curiouser and Curiouseractonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.comBlogger362125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-75826730899831688712022-12-13T12:18:00.004+11:002022-12-13T12:21:02.990+11:00OK, FINE Emily<p> When it's been a whole 10 years since I turned this thing back on, it's a sure sign the world is a mess. Twitter is a dumpster fire. FB is, look whatever even is FB anymore? Insta is nice if it is carefully curated and full of food and plants and absent daughters.</p><p><br /></p><p>God, I even had to google 'how find your old blog'. It was easier than I expected, maybe that is a sign? OR maybe that is Emily manifesting it, who knows? the universe is peculiar place.</p><p>Quick catch up! My kids are now all adults! The twins have just finished High School! Only Atti, the baby who was 6 when last I blogged, is still at school and about to start Year 11! Andrew is a school psychologist! </p><p>Oddly, Things have Happened in a decade. Who knew?</p><p>(Also I don't know why I did that catch-up when the only people who read this already know this stuff. Self-involved much Nicola?)</p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">~ ~ ~ ~</p><p style="text-align: left;">Reading back through some posts, I noticed that I had a lot more words a decade ago. A LOT more words. Maybe the words were frittered away over the years. Maybe they were used up, in anger and in pain and in confusion. Maybe we are allotted a certain amount of words in one lifetime. Maybe they've been hidden, swept under the carpet, accidentally caught up with life's detritus. Maybe they've snuck away, neglected and rejected and hurt, waiting forlornly in a mousehole in my mind. Maybe, perhaps, hopefully, they can be coaxed back? </p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">~ ~ ~ ~</p><p style="text-align: left;">Look, I don't know. My mind is mush. That single paragraph made my brain hurt. It doesn't like working much anymore.</p>actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-41758514082917955122012-12-03T18:40:00.000+11:002012-12-03T18:40:02.480+11:00Struggle StreetI'm struggling...<br />
<br />
Struggling with the overwhelming negativity that seems to be all-pervasive, from the macro to the micro, from heaven to earth, from here to eternity.<br />
<br />
I'm skimming the news everyday, can hardly bear to read full articles, can't stand the increasing <i>nastiness</i> of politics and daily discourse. I engage in a form of self-harm by reading the 'comments' on the SMH, or even worse, the Mercury, and am dismayed again by the shallow, the selfish, the vitriol, the arrogance, the narrow-freaking-mindedness of People.<br />
<br />
God I hate people sometimes.<br />
<br />
I'm wrestling with angels, or indeed something else strong enough to dislocate my shoulder, to weigh me down with the neverending internal arguments and monologues.<br />
<br />
I find my comfort in familiar places - in the bath, soaking away the blah, in the kitchen, humming and focusing on the food (always the food!), in the garden, ripping out those weeds, tying back those tendrils, creating order, controlling my environment, any environment... seeing as I've got no chance of controlling that in my head, on focusing on positives around me...<br />
<br />
And yet, tonight I've found a space for myself, of peace, of pate-on-rye, of *sigh*<br />
<br />
<br />actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-41496642382214283782012-10-20T19:32:00.000+11:002012-10-20T19:32:21.863+11:00Tortilla timeSo, I've just got back from a beautiful wedding in Minto Heights... A's stepbrother married a gorgeous Vietnamese girl, who steadfastly refused to have a traditional wedding, so we were treated to s spectacular combination of feisty and quirky with a gentle traditionalism entwined through the service. And love. So much love.<br />
<br />
Apart from at our table where we dealt with the narcissist that is my new sister in law. Less love there, but moving on...<br />
<br />
I've been wanting to return to blogging for a while now, as I think all of us who blogged do. Yearning for a return to words and community and dialogue that is sadly lacking in the Facebook connection. Not to confused with the rainbow connection. Facebook is anything but that.<br />
<br />
I'm sitting on my kitchen floor, typing as A plays his Martin and composes new toons. I'm drinking temperanillo and making a whatever's-in-the-fridge tortilla. Seems apt. Food, music, wine, these are the things that my life is made of. And children. So many of them. All so beautiful and also beautifully not here right now. A chance to breathe, a chance to make espresso martinis and chill out while being jumped on by a psycho kelpie. Is that tautology????<br />
<br />
Tautology was one of our 'words of the week' while we were growing up. For some reason my dad decided we all needed to expand our vocab, so he would pick a word in the dictionary at random and we had to learn how to spell it, use it in context etc. Tautology is the only one I can remember, so clearly that was some successful parenting, right there. Kinda like our conversation with one of the kids in the car this afternoon about whether prawns have skeletons or not... Yes, they do, they have exoskeletons etc etc. The amount of useless crap that comes out of our mouths when 'educating' our kids is insane...<br />
<br />
And yet bizarrely, I started this post just wanting to ask why Liquorland doesn't home-deliver when I've run out of vodka and want to make more martinis.*<br />
<br />
*I literally had enough vodka to make a martini each, I am not that bad. Yet.actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-39437529922614958312010-04-01T11:40:00.002+11:002010-04-01T11:47:16.975+11:00Not An April Fools Joke!I miss this.<br /><br />(Let's just jump in shall we? I mean, pool and sea-wise, I'm usually an incher-in, not a diver-in, but blog-wise, I guess we just have to be brave... no dipping of big toes in here)<br /><br />A lot's been going on in my world since last I blogged... and so many times over the last eighteen months I've had a post written in my head and it just hasn't happened... and then, as with so much, the longer you leave it, the harder it is to go back.<br /><br />But oh how I've missed it.<br /><br />Facebook and Twitter (still don't know how that works either - I mean it's a prefect medium for some, but I find it, I dunno, irrelevant? constrictive?) just don't give the same depth of communication. Or community for that matter.<br /><br />I miss my blogging friends, and the chance to have a discussion, a real discussion - an exchange of ideas, in less than 140 characters or a 'like' button.<br /><br />I love yous all. That's it, pretty much.actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-87687437163422728592010-03-31T07:46:00.001+11:002010-03-31T07:46:46.715+11:00Testing testing....one two<br /><br />one two<br /><br />is this thing still on????actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-7270586942587557032008-10-21T11:40:00.004+11:002008-10-21T12:02:14.677+11:00Minus FourOne of these days I'm going to be able to pluck one of the many ideas floating around in my head, and actually take it further than a single sentence... here's hoping anyways...<br /><br />The Black Cockatoos are back in the tall gum behind my house. This is a sure sign summer is on the way (even surer than the warm temperatures of late, even)... it gladdened my heart and raised my spirits to a ridiculous level when I heard their telltale (and oddly mournful) squawking yesterday morning.<br /><br />I discovered the other day that it is my intrinsic eccentricity and general air of oddness that attracted my gentleman friend - so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">yay</span> for quirky then... Hey kids! Stay in School! Say No to drugs! True Love waits! And don't worry about being <em>different</em>... it may only take until you're (almost) 35, but one day someone will take you as you are, so don't go changing or trying to fit in or wearing black <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">nailpolish</span> and going all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">emo</span>, things will be Good one day...<br />Of course as this conversation was taking place my internal monologue was all 'Huh. When did I turn into Bridget Jones...? Interesting...'<br /><br />My take on the Global Financial Crisis... Far <em>Out</em> guys... all it takes is for a few of you to grow some and then we won't be having these issues. Financiers = a bunch of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">pissweak</span> pansies. Heck, I was married to a Economics Major for 13 years, I know what I'm talking about!<br /><br />I am taking the Big Girls to a couple of seminars tonight. <em>Those</em> seminars... the ones put on by the school and presented by Interrelate... the 'What's happening to me' and the 'More detail about what's happening to me (Plus all about Wet Dreams)' ones... A think there was a communal '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ewwwww</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">grossssssss</span>!' from the three of us when we read the newsletter. But, its tonight. And it won't be awkward AT ALL. But you never know... I could actually learn something! Stay tuned for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Actonb's</span> new insights tomorrow!actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-33772251586377308152008-10-10T08:07:00.002+11:002008-10-10T08:11:45.352+11:00Short and SweetI realised this morning that this whole <em><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">thang</span></em> is working towards the greater good... You know, a little bit 'everything works for good for those who love the Lord'...<br /><br />It feels like waking up after a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">loooonnng</span> sleep and luxuriating in the half-consciousness... stretching and welcoming a new day, a new life... a new me...actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-86187844607030521662008-10-08T15:27:00.002+11:002008-10-08T15:31:48.827+11:00Freaking October Already...Oh my little blog! How I have missed thee...<br /><br />I've been doing... stuff.<br /><br />I've managed to lose ALL my words, so if you happen to see some lying around, please post them to me, pretty please!<br /><br />Life = A Big Fat Mess.<br /><br /><em>However</em> my girls are good, I is (overall) good, my boy is good...<br /><br />Yes, the eagle-eyed will have noticed a possessive pronoun (?) there... I am officially 'In a Relationship' (at least, according to FB, and um, me. And him. And MrB)<br /><br />More updates to come. I promise. When whoever finds my words has been good enough to return them to me...actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-7053404546577364372008-08-14T13:13:00.004+10:002008-08-14T13:20:49.486+10:00Thoughts from the Desk, Unanderra-styleAm so sleepy....<br /><br />My little brother needs a hug...<br /><br />I'm girl-crushing across the universe...<br /><br />Am having nothing whatsoever to do with this whole Georgia/Russia/South Ossettia thing... because I came out of the conference fug to discover this war going down, and I'm not one for coming in halfway through a series. As far as I'm concerned, it ain't happening until someone sends me the youtube clips so I can catch up...<br /><br />Is it too late to go get hot chips for lunch? Do I really <em>want</em> hot chips for lunch? By the time I've made up my mind, it'll be too late, I just know it.<br /><br />Aw crap...<br /><br />Peanut butter on toasted muffins it is, I guess...<br /><br />Mmmmmm.... Black Jacks...<br /><br />Ewwww.... Bank Reconciliations...<br /><br />1 Cor 7??? NEXT!actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-70598873150483005912008-08-13T14:21:00.003+10:002008-08-14T13:13:29.063+10:00AssumptionsSo... an attempt to correct some misapprehensions that I may have contributed to the forming of...<br /><br />Far out - the perils of posting while every so slightly relaxed... well, don't be afreared - that ain't gonna happen again in a hurry.<br /><br />The Mirena - while indeed a contraceptive IUD is also used to regulate menstrual periods... and is the first step in me attempting to avert a hysterectormy before I'm 36. Because you see, in layman's terms, I have a wonky uterus. It's all fun around these (lady) parts....<br /><br />My own personal muso gets along just fine with my own personal dancer - they are both as cute as buttons and live in my back pocket... and both wear pink ties...*<br /><br />I have been neck-deep in organising a conference for the last however long, and it finally happened last week - and despite the band STILL trying to fuck it up for me on the night, it all went off without a hitch. Yay! And I've come through the other side considerably older and wiser, but having danced my arse off on Saturday Night... It's a win/win situation.<br /><br />Pah!actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-40483138780561718132008-08-05T18:32:00.003+10:002008-08-05T18:52:02.170+10:00Notes from a Random TuesdayImpartial observations on The Day from Hell:<br /><br />Two glasses of Limestone Coast Chardonnay (Unwooded Of course) <em>does</em> a perfectly acceptable dinner make...<br /><br />9 year-olds: they sometimes forget to turn their brains on. This may or may not lead to the involvement of DOCS.*<br /><br />10 (but <em>almost</em> 11, in like 2 weeks already) year olds: they see and understand a hell of a lot more than the average person would think.<br /><br />Said 10 year old: she is awesome.<br /><br />Said 10 year old: also allergic to ticks.<br /><br />Mirenas come in ridiculously long packaging leading to much amusement for Pharmacists...<br /><br />Commonwealth Health Care Cards rock!<br /><br />Single Mother-hood: also rocks!<br /><br />How daggy is it when 'treating oneself' is actually getting a subscription to <a href="http://www.bbchistorymagazine.com/">BBC History magazine</a>?<br /><br />4 year olds sitting on one's lap, singing completely unidentifiable and toneless songs, make blogging all that specialer. Especially if they've just built you an awesome Lego tower and can spell their own names...<br /><br />Musicians (but not <em>my</em> musician, oh ok, I guess him too sometimes.**..) can be arrogant, rude and smug on occasion.<br /><br />Knowing (and to be continually affirmed that) I made the right decision: Priceless!<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* It didn't, but you know it <em>could</em> have... Grrrrrrr.... Bloody Miss H.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">** But only when in supremely uber-muso mode. Which isn't often. And which is also kinda cute. But which also requires me to not be in uber-pedant mode. It's all about the stars being in alignment, baby...</span>actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-57192431960253407182008-08-04T20:17:00.004+10:002008-08-04T20:27:33.112+10:00polyrofl<center><a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/07/31/funny-pictures-r-u-gona-eat-dat/"><img class="mine_1535818" alt="cat" src="http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com/files/2008/07/funny-pictures-cat-wonders-if-you-are-going-to-eat-rabbit.jpg" /></a></center><br /><br />Oh geez! This is what I have stooped to... LOLCATS... Although I guess all the cool kids are doin' it, hey INC?<br /><br />But this is for all those long-term readers of C&C... and for poor Mr Inigo who hasn't had any bunny snacks for such an age...actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-87121977155019916522008-08-04T14:27:00.002+10:002008-08-04T15:36:38.229+10:00A Dose of Monday Grrr-nessI desperately want to get the sad and maudlin off these pages... but I guess in order for that to happen, I have to get rid of the sad and maudlin in my life. And after this weekend, I can't see that happening any time fast.<br /><br />A Big Fat GAHHH! at life in general. Life, it can just FOAD as far as I'm concerned. Heee..... that's the Life! Be in it! slogan updated for the Naughties...<br /><br />I really do feel like Alice in Wonderland at the moment... life is taking on the most surreal aspects - probably most perfectly encapsulated in my supremely girly day on Friday when I took myself off to the beauty salon for a facial, (cos when you have a Gala Dinner to attend in a strapless dress, your entire face and neck are going to explode in mass pustulating zits, ain't that the truth?)... apart from giggling madly at the beautician's use of the word 'decolletage', I had the bizarre experience of lying there, my face covered in goop, the lights down low, my head being massaged, listening to that typical 'spa' music - all panpipes and bird songs when all of a sudden the forest glade disappeared and the Flight of the Conchords 'If you're into it' comes over the PA... and then, as soon as it had finished, and I was snorting like a twit, the panpipes are back and it's like nothing had ever happened...<br /><br />weird, man...<br /><br />Oh. And I've finished watching S1 of Gossip Girl... well all bar the LAST FIVE MINUTES!<br /><br />grrr....<br /><br />Ha! And I went on a bike-ride for the first time in like a GAZILLION years... and didn't fall off. Much.<br /><br />Youtube... you know you want to.<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pY8jaGs7xJ0&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pY8jaGs7xJ0&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />After this week, things may start getting better.. I'll get my life back at least. Kindasorta. Oh, hell, who really knows?<br /><br />This post brought to you by the kickarse combination of stress, hormones and chocolate.actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-52185249352108339852008-07-21T12:02:00.004+10:002008-07-21T14:31:06.491+10:00Battle ScarsI'm discovering that the human body is capable of withstanding a great deal of emotional turmoil and torment... that keeping one's upper lip stiff and just getting <em><strong>on with it</strong></em> is somewhat easier that I had dreaded it would be... Unfortunately there's always an Achilles Heel, always a weak point, always a spot deep deep down where the armour just isn't quite strong enough to repel that sniper shot.<br /><br />And so it is that I spent a good deal of last night in the arms of a friend, sobbing wretchedly as my heart was breaking...<br /><br />I suspect it may have been a delayed reaction to this whole damn mess, as it was a response in magnificent disproportion to the incident which triggered it. Or maybe not. You see, I suddenly discovered yesterday, that while I have been playing this fun game of Co-Parenting with an honest and heart-felt desire to do the best by my children, I may have been playing blindfolded. Because I took the blindfold off to discover that lines have been drawn and sides picked and choices made, while I had been travelling along in my usual clueless state.<br /><br />I'm just so damn hurt. And being vague. Again.<br /><br />Because we're all being manipulated. Again.<br /><br />And it sucks.<br /><br /><br />To be fair though, I guess over the last few months I've made a few choices of my own which have been surprising and yet strangely reminiscent of a Ewan McGregor monologue..... And I guess we're right back at the beginning, in silent contemplation of the enduring capacity of the human animal.actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-20916461011800429232008-06-27T10:37:00.003+10:002008-06-27T10:40:59.164+10:00Two WordsActually threee.<br /><br />Clare Bowditch = AWESOME.<br /><br />Completely, Utterly, Intensely, and for evermore....<br /><br />Awesome.<br /><br />I want to marry her in California with Arnie as Matron-of-Honour, so insane is my girl crush on her.<br /><br />So, um, that's it.<br /><br />What's going down with you?actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-26143564189213904322008-06-20T12:50:00.003+10:002008-06-20T13:29:07.038+10:00Post-lunch brain-drainA few things to add to general discussion:<br /><br />* I found more LPs (when I visited my parents' place and rifled through their record collection, currently housed in my old yellow toy box): MJ 'Bad', The Bangles 'Different Light', De La Soul '3 Feet High and Rising' and The Proclaimers 'Sunshine on Leith'. I do believe that brings my total record collection to 15! Woot! I rock!<br /><br />* I'm taking my baby girl to her first gig tonight - to see Kimya Dawson at Manning Bar. She's ultra excited, I'm ultra excited, there shall be squeeing indeed.<br /><br />* Clare Bowditch comes to Bulli next week and I have tickets. Come, let us all rejoice.<br /><br />* Claypots: They can get hot when placed in a hot oven. Hotness + damp towel = really really sore hand. Der.<br /><br />* However, contents of aforementioned claypot turned out to be awesome... It was one of those 'I just made this up' recipes - Pork spareribs, or rashers or whatever you want to call them, cooked with roasted capsicum and fresh tomato and left for an hour or so... so so good, even the twins who are quite averse to the whole 'meat' idea, or rather 'anything that requires any degree of commitment to chewing' at the moment, were gobbling it up.<br /><br />* I have a super-fun day of curtain-making tomorrow. It's going to be, um, frenzied? What with all that cutting and hemming that needs to be done down in Berry. Grrrr....<br /><br />* I'm thinking about doing a further cull of Facebook friends - and then updating my details to include a link to this here little old blog - not too sure why. I guess to some extent I feel more secure now in my indentity/anonymity/whateverity than I did pre-separation. Which is odd, and furthermore makes No Sense. But I'm kinda going with the flow. I may regret this later.<br /><br />* Excel: It does more than you think it does.actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-57482976139609170312008-06-20T10:11:00.000+10:002008-06-20T12:50:12.976+10:00Foot-StampingThe tone in the last post probably left a lot to be desired... sorry about that. But things just ain't all sunshine and skittles, y'know, and trying to bring the light and fluffy doesn't always work. And no, keeping it all angst-free doesn't count, seeing as I'm a sucker for the maudlin at the best of times.<br /><br /><br /><br />I'm just pissed.<br /><br /><br /><br />And hurt.<br /><br /><br /><br />And know that things will be getting worse before they get better, but better they will get.<br /><br /><br /><br />It all takes time, and if I have an outburst every now and then, then I'm <em>allowed</em> to dammit.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Ahemactonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-13061955569400213342008-06-13T16:28:00.003+10:002008-06-13T18:27:27.103+10:00Facebook RetributionLast night I made a phone call and drew some lines.<br /><br />In sand, and under, um, things.<br /><br />Lines.<br /><br /><br /><br />You see, apparently, 14 years of knowing someone means not a jot - to 'them' my identity was and, it seems, remains, simply an entity, as 'wife' to MrB. And as I am no longer in a relationship with MrB, I therefore have no relationship with 'them'. I had kinda figured this out, what with the complete lack of concern or, indeed, any contact whatsoever from the 'In-Laws' since this whole thing went down. But I had hoped that they knew me better... that they must know there had to be a reason for me to do what I did.<br /><br />But apparently the spin is: Actonb is unstable and in need of professional help.<br /><br /><strong><em>Awesome.</em></strong><br /><br />It seems that some people are failing to realise that in order for 'this' to work, and there being no readily-accessible roadmap or rulebook to consult, there kinda needs to be a relationship of sorts between us all - if only for the sake of the children. So yeah, I will be civil, I will be pleasant, I will be the bigger person here... but <strong>man</strong>, if they want to bring the Bitch, then honey, I got game...<br /><br />So, phone conversation over, I did what every 21st century grrrl does:<br /><br /><br /><br />I unfriended them all on Facebook. Every single last one of 'em.*<br /><br />That'll learn 'em.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">* It might help at this point to imagine that line from Pulp Fiction.</span> <span style="font-size:78%;">You know, <em>that</em>, line...</span>actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-6527429172182143782008-06-06T14:23:00.003+10:002008-06-06T14:41:50.796+10:00Girl FridayA dose of Friday Randomness... because the caffeine's worn off and I'm feeling decidedly seedy - the seediness one feels when one hasn't slept well because one's children are spending their first night at Daddy's new place and one is prone to histrionic fits of freaking-the-hell-out.<br /><br />So... moving right along then?<br /><br />* I have discovered, that rather like Prufrock, I am measuring out my life in coffee spoons, or, um fortnights. How quickly one falls into the surreal calendar of access visits. It's odd. And disquieting. But oh! the mixed feelings when His weekend falls again and the children are gone... the silence is bliss, the emptiness agony.<br /><br />* My musical horizons are growing ever wider - I have been on a downloading (legal!) spree, and have my iPod charged with Clare Bowditch, Death Cab for Cutie, Rooney (when Miss E sends me the discs) and even some Jeff Buckley (don't ask). Further suggestions are welcome - this finding of new music is very empowering...<br /><br />* I heard some Prince today at lunchtime - always a pleasure to unexpectedly hear some Prince I find - but kinda odd to hear it coming from a Truck Repair Shop.<br /><br />* I went to see the Brandenburg Orchestra and Choir the other day - 50 boy trebles in their long socks and blazers contributed to my aural bliss. They also managed to send my companion to sleep. But only momentarily... The combination of champagne + cold'n'flu medication + empty stomach = interesting cultural experience... it gives the notes an almost tangible aspect, as I absorb them into my very soul. Unfortunately the aforementioned combination can also lead to melodrama later in the evening. But that is neither here nor there.<br /><br />* The long weekend beckons wetly, yet promising comfort.<br /><br />I am making the most of it.actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-19665918642748326662008-06-05T13:32:00.003+10:002008-06-05T13:51:35.576+10:00Yo DJ!I was sorting through my record collection last night.<br /><br />Like actual <em>vinyl</em>, man...<br /><br />It was yet another step in the gradual unravelling of a previous life.<br /><br />Anyhoo, momentary angst aside, my 'collection' amounts to 11 LPs*... and what an interesting bunch they are too...<br /><br />* Hothouse Flowers 'Home'<br />* Eurythmics 'Savage'<br />* Peter, Paul & Mary 'Some anniversary collection - dunno... maybe 25th?'<br />* Madonna 'Like a Prayer'<br />* Get On This! (It was an import! From 1990!)<br />* The Pogues 'Red Roses for Me'<br />* UB40 'Best of... Vol 1'<br />* Nik Kershaw 'Radio Musicola'<br />* Dexy's Midnight Runners 'Too-Rye-Ay'<br />* Tour of Duty Soundtracks (both 1 AND 2) (and yet... I never was allowed to actually <em>watch</em> Tour of Duty... go figure)<br /><br />Ideas on what this collection says about me (other than I am completely confused, which is apparent to all and sundry) will be gratefully received...<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* Thankfully Michael Jackson's 'Bad' LP seems to have disappeared. It's probably still at my parents house along with Bros' self-titled opus.</span>actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-22283783301801883902008-06-03T09:52:00.003+10:002008-06-04T14:58:06.951+10:00Why a little Self-Knowledge is a Bad Thing #67Last night I was discussing with <a href="http://aloneandaneasytarget.blogspot.com/"><span style="color:#663366;">a friend</span></a> the real and urgent desire I have to be able to fall back into a routine, to lose the sense of disconnection, of aimless drifting that is beleaguering me... yet knowing that Back is somewhere I actually don't want to go... for There Be Dragons. So actually, what I'm yearning for is a New routine, a Future...<br /><br />He said that he was looking forward to the day I was able to sharpen my snark and lose the endless angst.<br /><br />And yet, we're not there yet - the angst is still my constant companion, still my only friend, still whispering in my ear at my lowest of ebbs. And so, gentle reader, I must beg for your patience a little longer...<br /><br />For some reason best known to that part of my mind which has a tendency toward self-abuse, I have started re-reading The Scarlet Letter*. Thankfully the part of my mind that craves literary analysis managed to win the mental arm wrestle, and I got side-tracked into reading the Introduction, and then got side-tracked further into congratulating myself over being the type of person whose first reaction to the name 'Salem' is 'Arthur Miller' rather than 'Sabrina' or 'DOOL'... because I really <em>am</em> that pretentious. Or rather, the steam in my extremely hot bath (like headache creating hot (that self-abuse streak is pretty strong, obvs)) can make me that pretentious....<br /><br />or not, as the case may be...<br /><br />You see, I was reminded of this capacity for toe-curling pretension the other day as I was driving with a friend (another one!) to Canberra with the Big Girls to see the Turner to Monet exhibition ( Miss H's birthday present (oh crap! Just realised that I'm grooming the girls to be even worse than me...)). We were having one of those wandering-all-over-the-place conversations that happened stop momentarily on the subject of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Lowell"><strong>Robert Lowell</strong></a>. Not sure why... Oh yes! I've just remembered how that hideous man elbowed his way into our conversation... We drove past a Boarding Kennel/ Pet Cemetery (hee!) = Evelyn Waugh's 'The Loved One' = TS Eliot 'The Wasteland' = Robert Lowell. And the following exchange ensued:<br /><br />Jude: Do you still hate him Actonb?<br />Me: Yep.<br />Jude: Why?<br />Me: Cos he's an insufferably wanky American Wanker.<br />Jude: Oh. So you've not mellowed any since Year 12 then...<br />Me: Nah.<br />Jude: Can you explain why you don't like him?<br />Me: Apart from the fact that he was an insufferably wanky American Wanker with massive entitlement issues and an inability to remove his own wanky and entitled voice from his poems?<br /><br />*beat*<br /><br />Nope.<br /><br />Jude: Ahhh... Yes. Quite. Remember what you said to me when we walked out of the English (Related) HSC exam?<br />Me: Nope.<br />Jude: I asked if you'd answered the 'gimme', the easiest question on the paper, even though it was a Lowell question... when the Keats alternative was the HARDEST question on the paper...<br />Me: yeah.... and....?<br />Jude: You answered 'I wouldn't prostitute myself by writing about Lowell'.<br />Me: Dear Lord, what a pretentious git I was/am.<br />Jude: Er... yes... this is something we know.<br /><br />I also remember my English teacher rushing up to me, pleading that I hadn't answered the Jane Eyre question, seeing as we hadn't actually studied it... and me having to admit that I had vaguely considered it.<br /><br />Sheesh! I am a literary LOSER.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*some of you will nod knowingly, some of you will raise your eyebrows, most of you won't care, but all of you will be wrong.</span>actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-5411773685894368142008-05-20T10:32:00.002+10:002008-05-20T10:43:36.778+10:00HaberdasheryOne of the beautiful thing about writing is trying to catch the elusive Words threading their way through your mind like silken ribbons... gently flicking you with their tails as they pass by, glimpsing them from the corner of your mind's eye, floating merrily and laughingly just out of reach as you mentally dash around trying to gather them in a golden butterfly net...<br /><br />It's one of those maddeningly fun things about this thing what we do, no?actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-53300206243645499482008-05-09T10:39:00.002+10:002008-05-09T10:56:57.148+10:00Knowing your limits<a href="http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/pplater-makes-meal-of-drivethrough/2008/05/09/1210131206523.html"><span style="color:#663366;"><strong>This story</strong></span></a> amuses me greatly:<br /><br /><blockquote>A drunk 22-year-old woman on her P-plates has crashed into a McDonald's restaurant in Sydney's west while trying to negotiate the restaurant's drive-through, police say. The woman - who returned a blood alcohol level more than six times the legal limit for a fully-licenced driver - drove her Toyota Starlet into the drive-through of the restaurant on Harold Street, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Macquarie</span> Fields, about 2.45pm, police said.<br />While trying to negotiate the drive-through she smashed into a brick pole, severely damaging it and exposing electrical wires, police said.<br />The restaurant has had to close the drive-through until it is deemed safe to use.</blockquote><br /><br />It brings to mind the rite of passage that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Maccas</span> have been advertising recently - the getting of one's 'P's' and the driving of one (with one's non-driving friends, in one's mother's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Cortina</span> (that may just be me)) to the nearest Golden Arches for the getting of Drive <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Thru</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Maccas</span> chips, sorry, fries, never test as good as when they've been passed through that tiny window directly to YOU in the Driver's seat. (Again, this may just be me).<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Anywa</span>, what amuses me most about the story is the fact that I have enough trouble negotiating the Drive-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Thru</span> lane as it is... attempting to do it while completely slaughtered is..., well, let's just say I admire her ambition and persistence. Also HA!<br /><br />*snort*<br /><br />*craves chips. yes. chips*actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-19214234299701887252008-05-08T21:54:00.003+10:002008-05-09T10:09:43.774+10:00Mandatory ReportingI am a big fat enabler, a pusher even, of illegality.<br /><br />I must come here and lay my burden down, admit my sin and beg the forgiveness, or at least the understanding of my peers...<br /><br />I have been downloading tv from the interwebs (um <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">ah...</span>)<br /><br />and if that weren't bad enough, this evening I toddled off downstairs to enjoy myself some iniquity (with a cup of tea and a lemon tartlet to sustain me) of the Gossip Girl variety (Bloody Chesty - she's been haranguing me to watch GG and I finally succumbed to the Peer Pressure)... but I was waylaid en route to the study by Miss M. She knew that I had downloaded the Dr Who Children in Need special and demanded that I initiate her in the ways of the tv-on-the-puter viewingness.<br /><br />I hesitated for barely a moment before agreeing to let her watch just this one tiny ep, a snippet that would do her no harm, and besides, it's not like the ABC will ever show the Children In Need special...<br /><br />Before I knew it, Miss H was <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">also</span> ensconced in the comfy chair of Swivel and they were hooked. The CiN Special was over in what seemed like seconds and they were hungry for more, refusing to go to bed until I had supplied them with more pilfered Dr Who...<br /><br />And what's a poor beleaguered yet indulgent single mother to do??? Sit and watch the Dr Who Christmas Special with them, that's what! The Special Guest-Star was Kylie Minogue - 'Gee Kylie looks old' says I 'and what an odd accent she's using'... 'Who's Kylie Minogue' says Miss H... Which made me feel every inch the tea-drinking, biscuit-nibbling, slipper-wearing OLD PERSON that I so obviously am...<br /><br />Anyhoo - they're hooked, and not listening to reason and demanding that they watch MORE Dr Who tomorrow...<br /><br />What have I created?????actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25092396.post-77942402367823834212008-05-04T18:51:00.003+10:002008-05-04T19:48:17.897+10:00stuffingMy brain seems incapable of formulating more than a sentence at a time, so dot-pointy goodness shall have to suffice until I Get Things Together (somewhat more than they are at the moment, obvs...)<br /><br />* Happiness is being elbow-deep in tomatoes - skinning, seeding, chopping - making roasted tomato sauce for spinach & ricotta cannelloni for my girls.<br /><br />* Said Happiness is increased at least six-fold if there are not one but <span style="font-style: italic;">two</span> curries simmering away on the stove for later in the week...<br /><br />* Musing... Is it your pre-menstrual state or are they just being a dick?<br /><br />* I've been dancing around my kitchen like some demented Hillsonger to <a style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jars_of_Clay">Jars of Clay's</a> <a style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-weight: bold;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redemption_Songs"><span style="font-style: italic;">Redemption Songs</span></a>, arms in the air, praising my Lord... because it's <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">right</span>, dammit. And because I am. Redeemed. By His Blood.<br /><br />So there.<br /><br />* Tiny Steps for womanhood this week, in my world anyways... I mowed the lawns, cleared up the carcass (mostly feathers as it turns out) of a generic Bird that was dragged into Slaughterhouse 5 (aka the downstairs bathroom), and cleaned the fish tank. All of these usually being MrB's jobs, and subject to clear demarkation. "I don't need no stinking man" may or may not have gone through my head as I did these things...<br /><br />* The above line may or may not be construed as gloating by a certain person and I request he takes it in the dot-pointy spirit in which it was written. ie, chill the fuck out.<br /><br />* Proof that the Sadness manifest in me knows no bounds: I saw the news about the <a style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-weight: bold;" href="http://dance.ten.com.au/dance_australia_top10_tour.htm">SYTYCD tour</a> and squeeeed. Out loud. Very very loudly. Belt-tightening? What belt-tightening? Chesty, do you know of anything of this 'belt-tightening'?????<br /><br />* Today I had more than one close encounter of the Red Back kind. And while being momentarily struck by how beautiful a spider they are, I didn't hesitate to kill them.Which kinda makes me sad/ freaked out/ determined not to buy any more plantpots with spider-house-sized lips in equal measures.<br /><br />* In super amazing awesome news, a dress that I thought I had given to charity a year or so ago, I discovered in the linen trunk in my room today. I had obviously decided said dress was to be handed down to my daughters, being a gorgeous charcoal grey wool shift type number. The awesome amazingness comes due to the fact that I now fit into said dress again, for the first time since the very very brief period between weaning Miss M and falling pregnant with Miss H.<br /><br />* I shall be rocking it, oh yes I shall. Girls (you know who you are), lets organise a drinks/dancing thang pronto!<br /><br /><br />...and now my bestest friend in the whole wide world is on the phone so I must away....actonbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06696161814357020525noreply@blogger.com12